There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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