She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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