just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
