Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We talked him into tasing himself.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
