dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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