Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
