i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
