I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
