I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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