How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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