so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
