The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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