This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
