I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
