i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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