When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
