our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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