dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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