Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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