She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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