after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
