what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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