Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
