1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
