Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
