Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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