Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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