i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
