i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
