he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
