i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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