last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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