Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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