im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
