all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone signed my nipple.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
