Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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