I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize