i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
