Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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