WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
