Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
