You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
