Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
