I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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