i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
