I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
