i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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