smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
