Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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