He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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