Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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