the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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