He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
