Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
