I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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