i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize