girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
