he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
