I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
