I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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