Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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