So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
