can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
