if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
