I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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