There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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