i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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