Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
