i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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