they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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