dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
